Friday, 23 April 2010

Rest in Peace.. x

Hey girls.. I have so many written posts that I have been meaning to upload but I've been in a real bad way the last few days. My secondary school best friend lost her battle with leukemia two days ago. I am still in major shock and feel so sad by the news. I feel so bad, I feel like a coward because we were so close growing up but before 6form we fell out and although after we were talking we were never close again. When I found out she was unwell I did my best to contact her but feel as if she didn't want to be contacted. I never got to tell her how much I appreciated our friendship and cherished the memories we shared. I saw her a few months ago on oxford street and I tried so hard to talk to her but couldn't. She looked unwell and her body language was so closed, I hovered around her for about 10 minutes in an attempt to make eye contact, wether she saw me or not I will never know. Part of me thinks she did but didn't want to be seen and I sort of wanted to respect that but I know I will live with regret for not even being able to saymy last hello to her. I still remember all the times we shared, from taking it in turns to copy one anothers maths homework to sitting in-front of MTV writing down the lyrics to Puff Daddys 'Satisfy You'. I also remember how crazy she was, we used to walk past this guys house who I fancied and one day she ran round the back and tried to climb the fence to grab a pair of his boxers that were on the clothes line for me! It was so funny.. she ended up falling and twisting her ankle, we laughed all the way home. We had so many great times and you really don't realise it until they are no more. I just know that she is free from all that pain and suffering. I admire her strength and determination through the years of dealing with leukemia. It was a shock to everyone because she was getting better, I hope that she is finally at peace. I hope that she can forgive me for anything I had said or done and wherever she is I want her to know how much I loved her and that she will never be forgotten. She is now sleeping amongst the angels and I wish for her to rest in peace.

Tracey T
1988 - 2010

zara

6 comments :

  1. aw, im so sorry. i know how it feels. a girl from my old school died and i wasnt close to her but even so i was still shcoked by it and even had to go out of class becuase i was crying. maybe now tho, you could think that you were closer to her. it might feel like her presence when you think about a memory you had. im so sorry :( xxx

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  2. I am so sorry to read this she was so young I know how you feel, I have lost so many people from Cancer and this is just terrible...
    Chloe.

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  3. Send her a letter by balloon and tell her all of that stuff. I believe that she would know if you tell her. Sweet dreams Tracey and look after yourself Zara. Regret is hard, all I can say is I learnt from the regrets I had when I lost a loved one and I know I will never have regrets like that again.

    x

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  4. I wasn't there when my grandfather passed away and I felt so incredibly guilty. I also didn't attend his funeral because I didn't feel the need to, he understood why but the snidey comments from certain family members made me feel a bit rubbish about that.

    Instead I wrote him a letter & then i tore it up into little pieces and watched as the wind blew them out over the sea. Maybe that's silly but it helped.

    I'm so sorry sweetie, stay strong ♥
    xoxo

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  5. I'm so sorry to hear that sweetie *hugs*
    I'm sure she already knows what you just told us. She isn't in pain any more and she is at peace.

    When my dad died I had a lot of regret too, but it just eats away at you and the person who you lost wouldn't want you to be doing that to yourself.

    Take care lovely xxx

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  6. Thanks guys for your advice..will just take a while to come to terms with it xx

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